Theodossios could only hope the relief sigh was only heard by himself. The ordeal the Patriarch has put him through was compared to anything he could remember. Maybe after a while, when the pressure of the moment will pass, he will be able to say what was harder: the numerous eyes staring at him, some in discontent, while some in curiosity, or the difficulty of the questions falling upon him. Macarias was a tough stone to meet, for a young inexperienced monk, even if a discreet glance would tell about a certain gentleness the man was once capable of. But that was maybe somewhere in the long lost past, now deeply buried by a life of worry and heavy duty.

Theodossios was keen to be allowed to retreat in silence next to his abbot, whatever judgment will be placed upon him, and in shyness he allowed himself a look upon the other senior prelate presiding, to catch a glimpse of whether new trial was coming, or a merciful sentence - how harsh it may be, but blessed for delivering him of this assembly.

It is truly right to bless thee, O Theotokos,
ever blessed, and most pure, and the Mother of our God.
More honorable than the cherubim,
and beyond compare more glorious than the seraphim.
Without corruption thou gavest birth to God the Word.
True Theotokos, we magnify thee. he whispered, raising praying eyes to the Icon of the Queen.

After a silence, Macarias spoke again.

"There being no other questions, I shall now retire to consider the judgement, with the advice of my brother Patriarch. Let this assembly now dissolve. The Deacon Theodossios is to spend the night in prayer and contemplation."

Slowly but steadily, the crowd made its way out. Eventually only a few were left: mostly members of the clergy, including Macarias, Nectarion and the deacon Theodossios.

Sensing that Nectarion was reticent to leave his young charge, Macarias spoke: "Only Theodossios may remain; not even I shall disturb him tonight. He must seek the wisdom to face whatever transpires tomorrow, and he must do it alone. Do not fear; there is no better place for his task than this place."

"Brother Nectarion, the Church maintains some apartments for visitors near the Imperial Polyandreion or Church of the Holy Apostles as it is more usually known. You should spend the night there, and take the opportunity to visit that great Church at the dawn service."

And with that, all departed, leaving Theodossios alone.

The next day, the clergy returned, as did many of the people.

When all had taken their places, Macarias spoke: "Deacon Theodossios: hear now the judgment of the Church; stand and listen in silence!"

"His Beatitude Patriarch Nikanor and myself have reached this our judgment through prayer and discourse, taking into account the teachings of the Lord and His Apostles, the Canon Law of the Church, and the material facts of the matter."

"The Deacon Theodossios has been greatly blessed by the Lord: few can discourse so widely regarding the scripture at any age, and I know of none others who can do so at his young age. His theological insight is deep and profound, his knowledge of Scripture, Doctrine and the History of the Church is broad and comprehensive. He would have been a great help to Bishop Nectarion, and in time, may well have become his successor in that Episcopal seat. Certainly that was the hope of Bishop Nectarion, and the Church commends that hope, and all that Bishop's actions in this matter."

"However, Theodossios has abandoned the office to which he was appointed and thereby thwarted the authority of the Bishop to whom the Church insists he must submit."

Macarias looked first at Theodossios and then at Nectarion.

"The Canon Law is clear on this matter: Theodossios cannot continue as Deacon, no matter his undoubted talents and qualifications. Therefore, Theodossios, I remove you from the Diaconal office.

Again, Macarias looked at Theodossios and then again at Nectarion.

I confess Thee, Lord, One God Thirdly praised and adored: The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost – my sins I have committed in all days of my life and even unto this hour, with my work, and my word, and my thought, and my sight, and my hearing, and my smelling, and my taste, and with all my spiritual and body senses, which have offended and angered Thee, my Lord, and I have done injustice to my neighbor. For all these I feel guilt to Thee and I repent. Thus, humbly, I pray Thee to forgive me and untie me of all my sins, for Thou love human kind and forgive them. Amen.

The night had been long and tiring for the already starved and exhausted young man, and the trials of the day that passed made no easy. All the turmoil of the gathering, and the sickness, and shame have placed a strong mark on his mind. And the night – initially perceived as like a time for pause and renewal – had turned into a night of remorse and guilt. Where was now the enthusiasm that brought him that far into the South, the holy anger the Fathers of the Church of the first centuries were praising, when so many people looked at him in blame and his beloved spiritual father gathered so much bitterness in his endeavor? Was it supposed to be like that, or it was nothing more but the temptation of the demon of pride, dressed in the desire for good deeds, and valor? Nothing that is genuinely good can ever induce pain or cause suffering, the teaching of the Church says. And thus he had spent the night in the flames of doubt and many were his thoughts. And it was only when day was new again, and the angel of the Lord showed his mercy, and the mind of the deacon opened to the divine words of the Syrian Saint:

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
God be merciful to me a sinner.
God, cleanse me of my sins and have mercy on me
Thou has created me; Lord, have mercy on me.
I have sinned immeasurably; Lord, forgive me.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
God be merciful to me a sinner.
God, cleanse me of my sins and have mercy on me.
Thou has created me; Lord, have mercy on me.
I have sinned immeasurably; Lord, forgive me.
God be merciful to me a sinner.
Thou has created me; Lord, have mercy on me.
I have sinned immeasurably; Lord, forgive me.

Forty times he then prostrated in front of the altar, touching his forehead hard to the stone of the floor, with each sentence. And when it was finished, and the servants of the Haghia came to light the many candles, when his spirits have lifted and his mind has been put at ease, and he felt ready to serve his purpose, for his mission was clear now and his path felt true ahead.

And then the holy men were reunited, and judgment had been passed. And the entire building of his thoughts has collapsed. Expelled? Thrown away? It was not a day by he would have welcomed such passing to the secular life, but now the sounds of trumpets of the doom blew hard to him, and all was lost. In despair he threw himself at the feet of the Patriarchal seat, tears plunging from his tired eyes:

I beg of thee, Your Beatitude! Do not throw me away from the blossom of the priesthood! I have done wrong to those who showed their love for me, the unworthy, I know this. But let me pay for my sins in service, not in the storm of the temptations. There is one path to lay ahead for me, I want no other. It’s of more use a donkey to do God’s bidding, than a stray dog purposeless wandering! I beg you! Father Nectarion, please, by everything that is holy and dear, ask the fathers to consider! I want to be of help, and not to lose my soul!

And so he continued for some time, as he was kneeled in the middle of the grand basilica, careless to the eyes piercing at him, and undiminished in his demeanor by repugnant faces of the civilian officials or the amused gossip of the small clergy chatting behind the big seats. It was as if his whole life had been compressed with a terrible force around him, and all that mattered was a second, this second, and that all the chances in the world Grace may have had bestowed upon him were here. Except perhaps the Holy Mysteries.

"Oh you WILL serve the Lord, all your days and most of your nights too, you will serve!"

"The judgment stand as it is given: Theodossios will leave the office of deacon.

Macarias stood, and strode to the centre of the Cathedral.

"My brother of Alexandria and I discussed this matter well into the small hours of this morning. The first point was simple: we quickly agreed that this Theodossios has much to offer the Church. The second point also: the need of the Church is dire; young men with vigour and ability are sorely needed in this time.

So the Church needs Theodossios, and it is clear from this recent ... 'display' that Theodossios also needs the Church.

Which brings we to the third point: he Church needs Theodossios and Theodossios the Church, but how will the Church cope with the changes Theodossios and his like-minded would surely bring.

I do not know the answer, but I read the Scriptures and Trust in the Lord.

And it came to me that as the Lord holds all in the palm of his hand, so it was not a coincidence that it was I, Macarias to whom the jurisdiction of this matter fell. It was I, a sinner, who led a life of dissipation in my youth. It was I, a sinner redeemed by Christ who was called by the Lord to serve, giving up my youthful ways and serving as best as I have been able. And so it is I, Macarias who cannot without the grossest hypocrisy deny this man the same chance as I was given, and trust in the Lord that it will be well.

And so Theodossios is called to serve the Church.

But there is still the matter of the offence committed: Christ brings forgiveness of our sins, but the Church order must be preserved, and so Theodossios must leave the office of deacon."

The crowd was restive, Macarias had them confused, and they murmured against him.

"It must be so, for he cannot be both deacon and priest and tomorrow he will be ordained into the latter role."

The crowd was silent.

"Still matters are not right; I cannot harbour a fugitive priest who has fled from his lawfully appointed Bishop; neither my Brother of Alexandria, nor Thephilos of Jerusalem. And so, the following day, Theodossios will be ordained Bishop: Nikanor and I will do it, and perhaps Nectarion will consent to be the third."

The crowd was stunned: a fugitive deacon rewarded with a Bishopric, how could this be?

"This puts the matter right: no Bishop can hinder the movements of his brothers; nether Nectarion in his diocese nor I in mine. But there is a further complication..."

Usually a conservative man reticent to interject, the Protodeacon jumped to his feet: "But where is this convenient Bishopric to be found?" Belatedly he remembered to whom he spoke and added "Your Beatitude"

Macarias gave the old man a kindly smile, and responded: "Thank you for your question; I think as the primary keeper of Church records you already know the answer, and indeed it goes to the heart of the matter.

He turned back to the assembled throng: "There are hundreds of Bishoprics in the Church, and normally four or five are vacant at any given time. Certainly that was our expectation when we formulated our plan: a minor Bishopric in some out of the way place and Theodossios given a chance to grow into the role. But it seems the Lord has other plans for this young man, for when we examined the records this morning we discovered to our great surprise that in all the Church only one Bishopric is currently vacant. Upon making this discovery I exchanged messages with the Emperor, who has approved our action, and whilst we have not communicated with Thephilos of Jerusalem we do not believe he will object (and in any event we are here a majority of Patriarchs). We took this extra consideration as it seemed wise to us, because it turns out that in all the Church the only Episcopal chair that is currently empty... is that one."

Macarias pointed to the empty chair at the head of the Cathedral. The crowd erupted.

It took a long while before Theodossios was able to understand what was going on. The wild shouts of the crowd - both civilians and clergy, the indefinite roar of many of voices around him, the severe looks of the main players bestowed upon him were as confusing as any other trial. In such despair he was sinking, afraid, and hungry and tired, he long thought a severe judgment was passed to him, and the crowd was happy. It was as if a death sentence was passed on - that thrilled the multitude of voices sounded around.

But when the choir of the grand catedral gathered their voices into the well known Ambrosian Hymn, when he started to realise something indeed grand was going on, and he was the center of it. Reluctantly he raised his head to the altar, only to find the senior Patriarch sitting in front of the Holy Veil, with the whole clergy gathered around him in prayer and adoration for the Lord.

We praise thee, O God :
we acknowledge thee to be the Lord.
All the earth doth worship thee :
the Father everlasting.
To thee all Angels cry aloud :
the Heavens, and all the Powers therein.
To thee Cherubim and Seraphim :
continually do cry,
Holy, Holy, Holy :
Lord God of Sabaoth;
...

And so it continued, in thousands of voices coming together with the choir's, when Theodossios was faced with the acceptance of the events that trespassed. At first, the disbelief took over, and he tried to look into the eyes of his spiritual father, but he found him head bowed, eyes closed in meditating with a serene air around him. And then, looking at what he perceived not a while ago as his inquisitor - noticed a sudden satisfaction, and a strange sense of accomplishment. His beatitude, Nikanor, was as closed as ever to the features of his face, and one could not tell whether he was content or not, feeling something or not. Maybe if in some other time or place there would have been games, or contests - to require someone's full containment of itself, Patriarch Nikanor would have been the champion - the thought quickly passed Theodossios' mind. And then, while continuing to realise, the fear took over - not for the task in itself, but for the responsibility it bore. How many people's lives will depend on a word, or a gesture of me poor self? Theodossios thought, and a shiver beyond anything he knew made him flinch hard on the marble floor. What if what I will do will drive the Church to its end, the way we know it? Will I be so able to surrender myself to God's Grace, and to do what's right?

So many questions were gathering around vultures around him, and this persistent need to sleep was making things worse. He thought his mind can't cope any longer, but still he had to bear everything that was happening. And slowly the realisation of this was but the beginning came to his consciousness. This would be the life onward - no time for human weaknesses, no one to rely your doubts to. If the seniors of the Church have decided in a Synode, then it's God's will, and nothing else matters. This means he's able to, this means there's no else. Thy will be done! Theodossios smiled to himself, and asked rhetorically, as no one could hear him: Where do I have to sign?

When the furore had finally died down, Macarias again spoke.

"This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it."

"And tomorrow, we shall do likewise, and every other day also, but also tomorrow, we shall ordain this man of God to the priesthood. As for now, let all retire to their homes or places of abode."

The following day it was standing room only within Hagia Sophia. Whilst technically all that was happening was the ordination of a priest, the implications of that ordination were now widely known within the City, in the hinterland and more broadly across the Empire.

Macarias stood at the front of the Cathedral. He nodded to Nikanor: "Let us begin...".

The night before offered plenty to Theodossios to chew all the latest events. And the morning found him somehow rested, and - nevertheless as a direct result of it - at a somehow peace with what will follow. And thus he was, knelled down in front of the grand altar doors, waiting for his fate to come to effect.

And the Liturgy of Saint John began with the blessing from the senior Patriarch.