..You always lose by holding back"
Vision floats along following the confusing trail. Only with time the answers would be found. A mound upon the snow with a large fur framing the body of Molly laying upon her back. Looking to the clear sky above the steam. Wrapped in the fur her left arm holds her new son. Both their clothing lost in the snow behind them.
The child stares quietly with his mother to the heavens. Almost as if he could feel the joy in her heart that once was. Molly with hair fallen loosely behind her. Red locks frame her tear soaked face. She is in agony and joy battling for her heart.
It was war in which she first met him. His words gave her strength to carry on even in his absence, but now those words have grown so distant. Now as Molly battles in a far more cruel war, and only her second. She seeks for once was. Her heart, forgiveness, and love. Something she thought she could never loose. Something he taught her.
Her green eyes used the stars and plumes of steam to remind her of the great and loving man now gone. The man who meant so much to her. Molly sought the love she only barely expressed in letter before he passed away. She sought Janus in the heavens.
He was always her confidant and confessor. Always there from the beginning for her. As much as many have tried. The same touch of elegance and ability with out fear had not been for her. More tears flow, as she considers Alrik who always wants to repair with action. Greg in all his wisdom and caring he tried so hard for Molly. Still the innocents at which Molly had with Janus couldn't be replicated. The Vatican proved to be with no approach. No understanding. So much had happened and Molly never thought she would survive, but still she didn't give up.
Her green eyes glistened with the water of her salty tears. Sparkling with the stars above. Molly again found herself weak with the need of Janus's words. Only they were pure memories. The feel of his blessed kiss upon finger tips. The reflection of his face just past her reach.
Her right arm raises seeking to touch him. Touch him as she never could do before. She knew when he passed away both had regrets, but Molly kept the regrets. Her shivering lips turned down into a frown unmistakable of the pain she felt inside to his loss.
"You were never supposed to leave me in this world. I forgive you Janus. I know you would want me to remember, but I need reminded. Why did you leave me?" She shook a bit with her hand dropping beside her. The arm and hand realizing the frailness of her wishes.
The fur covering part of her arm with warmth. The rest exposed to the sever cold about her. Tears now travel along her neck, and curling, landing upon the small indent at the top of her chest where the collar bones nearly meet. Puddling as a diamond settling softly on her skin.
Her heart is broken from all the horror in the world, but she knew her answer. She knew what she must do for herself. Still she lay there her painful frown slowly turning upright into a smile. Her chest raising and lowering with her breaths. Smaller less thick plumes of her own breath caused steam above her. Blending with that of these natural springs around her. Molly in the sorrow of those around her had slipped so far that she no longer recognized herself.
For this moment she did. For this moment she finally could see his face again. His words recalled in her mind brought her great comfort. Though she couldn't stop loving and missing him. Each time she swallowed it felt like razors traveling down her throat. Each breath like her chest was to explode.
"Our son we always dreamed of. The depths of secrets dreams. Confessed only to each other. Do you see him?" Her left arm moved slightly to draw attention to her son.
She couldn't stop the trembling inside of her. Even the trembling out side of her. The world had changed so much from the beauty she learned. The beauty had almost disappeared. It needed to return. Then Molly's eyes closed. The tears that had built shot from her eye lids. Caressing her cheeks as they eventually slowed dripping back into her red locks of hair.
"I forgive them all. They will not deny." She then fell into sleep. A sleep of which soon was joined by her son.
QUOTE:
You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. ~ Barbara De Angelis
It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride. ~ unknown